When Someone Is Sad
Imagine the scene. You are at school. The bell has rung for tiffin break. Your classmate Hira is sitting at her desk and her shoulders are shaking. She is crying. The other kids are running outside. What do you do.
There is more than one way to understand this. If you have only been taught one, you have been taught less than you deserve.
There is more than one way to understand this. If you have only been taught one, you have been taught less than you deserve.
Imagine the scene. You are at school. The bell has rung for tiffin break. Your classmate Hira is sitting at her desk and her shoulders are shaking. She is crying. The other kids are running outside. What do you do.
There is a different order, and it works. First, you sit down next to her. You do not stand over her. Sitting makes you the same height. Second, you do not say anything for a few seconds. Just be there. Third, you say one small sentence. Try this one: Hira, I can see you are upset. I am here. That is it. Then you wait.
She may talk. She may not. Both are okay. If she does talk, your only job is to listen. Not to give advice. Not to tell her about the time you were also sad. Not to ask twenty questions. Just listen, and once in a while, repeat back the last few words she said. If she says, my dadi is not well, you can say softly, your dadi is not well. That is enough. It tells her you actually heard.
One last thing about Pakistani schools. We are taught to be useful. Sweep the room, finish the work, get the marks. Sitting quietly next to a crying friend can feel like you are doing nothing. You are not doing nothing. You are doing the most important work of the day. The room can wait. The marks can wait. A friend in tears cannot.
Estimated time: 9 min