Finding Your People
There is a word in our language: sangat. The crowd you keep. Iqbal said sangat changes a person more than any school. The crowd you sit with for one hour after Asr matters more than the lectures you sit through for four…
There is more than one way to understand this. If you have only been taught one, you have been taught less than you deserve.
There is more than one way to understand this. If you have only been taught one, you have been taught less than you deserve.
There is a word in our language: sangat. The crowd you keep. Iqbal said sangat changes a person more than any school. The crowd you sit with for one hour after Asr matters more than the lectures you sit through for four hours before it. Most young Pakistanis today have two sangats. The biological one, your family and cousins, given to you at birth. And the digital one, mostly Instagram and TikTok, who you did not choose either. There is a third kind. The chosen sangat. The one you build on purpose. This lesson is about that third kind.
Where to find chosen sangat in Pakistan, today, without paying a fee. Your local mosque or church or gurdwara has more than just prayer. After Maghrib in most Pakistani mohallas there is a circle of older men chatting over chai outside. After mass in Christian colonies there are youth groups. After Friday prayer, in the side hall of the mosque, ask if there is a halqa or study circle. The Punjab Public Library and the Karachi National Library both have free reading rooms with regulars. Iqra Public schools and IBA libraries open their doors weekly to the public. Polymath cohorts, when you reach that part of the platform, are designed exactly to give you this. Anjuman-e-Taraqqi-e-Urdu has free Urdu literature evenings in Karachi. T2F in Karachi, Olomopolo in Lahore, Khwabgah in Islamabad host weekly free events.
How to actually start. The first time you walk into any of these places you will feel like an idiot. Everyone does. Sit at the back. Do not say anything for the first two visits. By the third visit, ask one person their name. By the fifth visit, ask one person if they want chai after. That is the entire science. The point is not to find your best friend in week one. The point is to put yourself in rooms where conversations grow. The first deep friendship from a chosen sangat usually shows up around month three. Stop expecting it in week one and the chance of finding it in month three goes up.
If you are reading this and you genuinely have no one, not at home, not at college, not online, please call Umang Pakistan at 0311-7786264 anyway. A volunteer on a phone is also sangat for the night. They have given many people their first warm conversation in a long time. The line is open. You do not have to be in crisis to call. Loneliness is enough.
Estimated time: 12 min